Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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