I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
