when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
two words...techno handjob
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
