Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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