Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can't turn off my feet"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
