It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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