you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
