So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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