she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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