so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
