Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
