that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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