The maid of honor just puked.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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