How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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