There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
