Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
