NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
