Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
