I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
