you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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