Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
