we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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