I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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