we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
