i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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