Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
