my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
