remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
