Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
