I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
