Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
