you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
