i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
