Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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