You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
