I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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