we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
its liver damage thursday
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
