I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize