There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
