She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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