I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
