we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
