what day is it and did you see me today?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
