He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
