I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
