wanna go halves on a baby?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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