i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
