you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just googled if crying burns calories
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
