I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
