So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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