OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
